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Single Single Purpose The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce
Single Single Purpose The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce
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The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce
As divorce has become more common, many Christians fail to acknowledge the consequences on families, especially on the children.
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As divorce has become more common, many Christians fail to acknowledge the consequences on families, especially on the children. Since divorce has become more socially accepted in our culture, many Christians fail to acknowledge the consequences of divorce upon families, especially the children. Some think there is no longer a need for specific ministry to those affected by it. Yet, the research shouts that divorce has a long-term negative impact on all parties involved, especially the children.Judy Wallerstein began studying children of divorce about 30 years ago. She was among the first to identify the effects of divorce on children. Even though children are resilient, she writes, many struggle to regain a sense of equilibrium following their parents’ divorce. In her book, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, Wallerstein says she was surprised to find “while children learn to cope with divorce, its greatest effects don’t emerge until adulthood.” A recurring theme in The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce is that children rarely understand at the time why their parents have divorced. Even in the midst of arguments and abuse, children see little connection between these incidents and the subsequent separation. Many children of divorce, when asked, feel strongly they were not given any explanations for the divorce by their parents, either at the time or later in life. This often leads them to develop their own ideas about the causes. Many feel it was their own behavioral problems, health issues, or school challenges that led to their parents’ divorce. While parents insist they had explained their reasons for divorce to the children at the time, the explanation was seldom repeated or affirmed. Even after the children grew up and become better able to understand the situations that may have led to the divorce, the parents seldom revisited their explanations, leaving the children only with the original impressions they received at the time of the divorce. Most children experience a dramatic decline in financial resources and parental involvement after divorce. This is often because the mothers or custodial parents (if not working at the time of the divorce) are forced to find employment after the divorce; the living environment changes due to the challenges of single parenting; and the parents are not as available (both emotionally and physically). This lack of parental availability is directly related to parents working through their grief during the separation and divorce process. It is important to note at this point Wallerstein’s study does not identify examples of children reared in Christian homes nor how divorce recovery ministries may have affected their lives. Neither did she consider that a church community may surround a divorced family and provide much of the support needed as adults and children adjust to new circumstances following divorce. There are examples of children of divorce who have weathered the experience and matured into strong adults with good marriages. I know single-parent families where the parents and children have been surrounded by a loving church community and family members. In one single-parent family, for instance, the mother credits the fact her son and daughters are involved in church today to the involvement by members of the congregation in her children’s lives after the divorce. In particular, the men took an interest in her son and thereby provided a model for healthy adulthood. Wallerstein’s study should challenge the Church to continue to provide divorce recovery ministries for parents and children. Christians have a profound opportunity to rescue single parents and children from a spiral of loneliness and despair. If you are a ministry leader you are strongly encouraged to read The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce by Judy Wallerstein. Afterwards contact the Adult Ministries International office for resources which will help you and your church become more effective in providing hope and stability to those experiencing the pain of divorce. Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it Toll free: 877-240-2417
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